she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
