I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
