make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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