K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
