It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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