I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
