Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
