Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize