I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
