What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You brought string cheese to the strip club
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