Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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