Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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