Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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