good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Houston, we have a squirter
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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