She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
