Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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