the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
