This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
