You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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