so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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