Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
