I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
