she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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