I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
