She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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