i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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