I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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