I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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