How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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