Just cropdusted the office
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
