O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
