I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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