she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
