If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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