In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
