my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
