Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
