Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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