its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
