don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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