clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
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