Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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