Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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