ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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