corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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