I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
