nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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