had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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