Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
