So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
