did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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