Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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