i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
time to smoke my breakfast
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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