Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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