You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
