u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
