I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Randomize
