Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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