I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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