I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
