I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
