singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
