I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
