he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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