how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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