Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The chlamydia really affected his face.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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