we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She bit a glass in half.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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