It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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