I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
