I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
