Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
